Home As The Nest Of Identity: A Chat With A Systemic-Relational Psychotherapist
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Every house we live in is a chapter of our life.
But what is the link between home and identity? How do the houses in which we lived continue to accompany us in our evolutionary cycle, as a constant and silent presence, even when we have left them?
The link between our deepest being and the constellation of houses in our life is a topic that fascinates us a lot. That’s why we had a chat with Dr. Anna Galtarossa, psychologist and psychotherapist specialized in Systemic-Relational Psychotherapy, who helped us shed some light on this controversial topic.
Bachelard, an author that we particularly love, wrote that the house protects the dreamer in us; and we end up carrying that sense of protection within us for a lifetime. Let's start from this beautiful definition: in what sense should the house be considered as an atavistic space within us?
The concept of "home" is to all intents and purposes an internal, intimate and emotional space, which we have developed since childhood and which accompanies us throughout our lives. Our way of conceiving it depends on the family models that have been handed down to us, on our experiences and our future plans and desires. It then becomes a part of us that we end up jealously guarding, except when we decide to share it with someone we feel like to create a common project; it’s only in this last case that our concept of home is no longer only emotional and internal, but also real and tangible.
Each house is a story, our story: each home we live in accompanies us in our evolutionary cycle of human beings. Can we say that all the houses in our life contribute - albeit to a different extent - to the definition of our identity?
What contributes to defining our identity is how we live the houses in which we have lived over time, what memories remain tied to them and what remains of them within our personal baggage. I believe that each house is linked to a particular memory, starting from childhood. The garden in which we played, the street where we learned to ride a bicycle, the bedroom that represented our secret refuge… They are all elements that evoke intimacy and warmth and that contribute to making us who we are, directing us to research some aspects and perhaps to avoid others.
Let's talk about the house hunting. What mechanisms (whether conscious or unconscious) do trigger, in your opinion, the so called "love at first sight" for a property? Is it reasonable to think that in addition to the concrete characteristics that a person can look for in a house (be it the garage, the lake view, three bedrooms etc.) there’s also the search for something intangible, perhaps a resemblance to the house of one's past?
Reconnecting to the previous question, I really think that, beyond the concrete needs that everyone tries to satisfy in the search for a home, there are other intangible elements that strongly guide the person in making this choice. In fact, it may happen that "on paper" a house does not transmit anything but then a small detail triggers to the skin something apparently inexplicable. In the process of searching for a house, therefore, I think it is important to consider both aspects, because if practicality wants its part, at the same time one cannot fail to take into consideration that more intimate and emotional part of us.
Renovating is first of all an emotional investment, because it implies changes. How can renovating our home affect our mental and physical well-being?
Usually we decide to restructure precisely because we feel the need for a radical change. It is a change, however, that does not imply a "starting over from scratch" but rather starting from what you have and bringing it closer to your needs and desires. In this sense, I think that yes, renovations can influence one's psychophysical well-being if the intention is not to break the bonds with the past but to introduce new elements that can represent the "breath of fresh air" that is needed in one's own life.
The most difficult question, perhaps: tell us in a word what's home for you.
"Warmth".
What’s your concept of Home? We’re eager to hear your story.